Dinner And A 'Blast' From The Past

The other day Matt and I had a young couple and their four children for dinner (they were delicious! - ok, just kidding, we didn't eat them). It was fun to be able to be social and have people over for dinner, which is something I really don't do enough of. I think I will make that my New Year's resolution: to have more people over for dinner. So if you are reading my blog think of yourself as invited for dinner. REALLY! (PS - I'll save you an apron and you can help me cook -- see what a great friend I am? Yep, I'm good like that).

They were super fun and their kids were tres cute too.

It was interesting to me watching and listening to this couple as they are in the same boat as Matt and I were 2.5 years ago in that the husband had left the church and the wife was trying to hang on to her LDS beliefs. The husband reminded me of Matthew back in his black & white critical thinking phase. The wife, like me, is more of a spiritual/emotional type of person. Both are very good kindhearted people and I hope we can be friends with them for a long time.

As I told them my story of how I had left the church it was interesting to see the similarities between Matt and I and them. The husband, like Matt, had sort of suffocated the wife with anti-LDS information, it's all he can talk about. The difference was that Matt eventually (with the help of some online friends and their good advice - THANK YOU ONLINE FRIENDS OF MATT!) stopped suffocating me with the info., and I stopped wanting to suffocate him (with my bare hands, lol). Then I started learning and researching things for myself (I know most of you have read our story on Matt's blog so I won't go into detail here).  If you haven't you may want to read Matt's blog. This husband was still despartely trying to influence his wife to the truth about the church (that it is a hoax, and a  lie ). 

I thought how lucky Matt and I were that we had been able to move forward in a positive way (eventually) and I see clear signs that this wonderful and committed couple will be able to do the same (YAY!). It felt like quite a long time when we were in the mist of our 'experience' (Matt trying to 'show me the obvious truth' before we were able to move forward, for a few months - which felt like years). As I looked at this couple who started the experience of leaving the church close to the same time as we did I quickly became grateful we were not still sort of stuck in that state of anger and frustration and 'negotiation'. We would not have lasted as long as this couple has with these types of 'discussions'.  We were on our way to separation or divorce at the time when we went through it. It was the most difficult time in our marriage.  So I gave (and give) this couple a lot of credit to be able to weather this experience for so long and still stay together, they are both great people with a great capacity for patience and love.

I can remember when Matt and I were in counseling for our marriage for the LDS stuff and the bisexual stuff. I remember the counselor saying to Matt how me not making a decision of whether to leave the church or not was a decision. He of course said this to Matt alone and not me, he slightly favored Matt in my opinion *said in a still angry and slightly sarcastic tone*. I saw the wife of this couple very much like me, not feeling strongly that she wanted to leave the church and thinking it wasn't so bad and I saw her like me back in the day, wanting to stay for all of the good that she sees and that she feels is there.  I remember Matthew saying "But their teachings depress and KILL people" and that didn't really affect me, it was foreign to me, I didn't see it, couldn't see it, not fully.  Not until I realized I was one of the gays, lesbians and bisexuals in the 'queer community' they were actively oppressing and persecuting... THEN it mattered to me.  As in all things, it's not until we understand that we can care.

You could feel the tension between their two viewpoints and it made me in part admire that they have been able to withstand the rift between them for so long with such a young family. Personally I think it would be much harder a experience to go through with a younger family than what we had at the time, because it's just a harder and more stressful time in general.

Anyway, dinner was super, they are super and it was an interesting experience and felt like a blast from the past for me (not a 'fun blast' more like remembering dynamite being blown up at my feet actually, lol). I was particularly grateful to be in a great marriage today (compared to the low-point of where we were 2.5 years ago).  And I am hopeful that his super couple will also come through the 'blast' and rebuild and continue to love in patience and support for one another.

Looking back now it makes me angry to think of how harmful the church is and how the church through its lies built a rift between Matt and I. I am so glad that is over and that we got through it.  I am happy to be out of the LDS Church and so glad that I am out to the world (and to myself) as bisexual too.  It's freeing and liberating to be, well, to be your real, true, authentic self and I am so glad that Matt supports me in being, well, ME! :)