Poor Little Blog

So I have really neglected my poor little blog. Matthew (my husband - not my boyfriend (or girlfriend), just to be clear as to whom I am referring) is tisk-tisking me with his finger and I feel verrrrrry badly. So sorry my blog and those few followers that I have.

I just finished my first semester of full time College and boy does it feel great! I feel like I am learning so much. So many things that I would have never learned or accepted if I was still under the Mormon conservative mind set, they would have just bounce off of my "well, yes, but I KNOW 'better'" forcefield. It has been quite interesting to me, the contrast from this old mindset and my new open, liberal, thinking, loving and embracing mindset.

I live in Alberta Canada (the Bible belt of Canada) and took a couple of courses from a teacher who was a teenager in the 60's and had a very liberal anti-war mindset, not of the religious or conservative mindset (and he still isn't)  This was a contrast to some of the students who are Mormon or who had an otherwise religiously conservative mindset. It was interesting to see them defend there patriarchal and homophobic ideals -- like how the man should be the head of the household or why gay marriage is negatively affecting families today.

I just love learning and attending school has given me insight into myself, to really see where I was before I left the church (the conservative religious God only loves you if you follow these man-made made-up roles and rules) to where I am today (it's all about love, being kind and not judging). I just breathed a sigh of relief for myself and gave myself a mental, emotional and spiritual hug (yay me!).

In these 'debates' in class I also got a taste of what Matthew my hubby feels when he gets so emotional in discussing with our Mormon friends that their mindset is harmful. As I sat in the classes and disagreed with my fellow students' religious right-wing mindsets I found myself feeling quite heated and upset at the biogtry and harm that there beliefs were causing (both to themselves (the self-harm that willful blind non-thinking stupidity causes) and to those marginalized and vulnerable whom they were bullying and victimizing).

I am proud of myself and my school experiences. I did well on my grades (78 - 90% final marks) and I think I did a not too bad job of balancing family life and school. Matthew would disagree with me because he hears me with my stress and feels and sees my anxiety rearing its ugly head. However he really doesn't know the half of it. I tried to calm myself down quite a bit. I tried not to share my anxiety with him all of the time. I tried to remember what was really important and give him (Matt) time and the kids time. Though my 12 year old Mackenzie did say a couple of times I was "not allowed to talk about school anymore". So that does suggest there is some room for improvement in toning down the school focus. Bottom line is I love school and I am glad for the break I have now (a few weeks of no school) but I am excited to go back. I am also so grateful for the support Matthew gave me in doing the dishes, laundry, driving kids, helping with meals, folding towels and editing some of my assignments and helping me study. Matthew is a great at editing and writing (really great). In fact, I think I'll let him take me to Vegas so I can show him my gratitude...