A lovely neighbor down the street who's children play with ours is taking a College course and she asked me to give an 'interview' about my experiences of being a parent. This was the result.
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WHAT STAGE OF LIFE WERE YOU AT WHEN YOU BECAME A PARENT?
When I was 18 years old my then fiancee ‘rescued me’ from an abusive home life and we had moved from Mississauga to Ottawa. We were very much in love, quite young and quite alone. We were also quite religious so we felt we had to get married to make our living situation right in the eyes of God so as to avoid Hell and brimstone (seriously). So we eloped. No one knew. No friends, no family. We did eventually tell them (long story), and then 15 months later our first child was born, when I was 19. I had not completed high school (just 1 more course remained, which I finished about a year and a half later).
WHAT FACTORS WERE INVOLVED IN DECIDING TO HAVE CHILDREN?
We were raised LDS / Mormon. The teachings back then 20 years ago were that birth control was evil and equal to murder. I had always wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl so having children just came naturally to me. I am so happy to be mother and a parent, I love my children and I love being a mom.
POSITIVE ELEMENTS TO BEING A PARENT?
I was able to stop the cycle of abuse that my mother received from her mother and violently passed onto me. I get to love and be loved in return. I loved the baby stage, connecting to my beautiful, wonderful little babies. Today I get to see my children as they go through the various stages of growing up (schooling, friends, jobs, boyfriends or girlfriends). My baby boy turned 18 last month and I shuddered to think that I was engaged at that young age. I am happy that he isn’t in such a rush like I was to escape. It’s a good feeling to think that at least some of the time I’ve been a helpful and positive influence in his, and all of my children’s lives.
WHAT HAVE BEEN THE CHALLENGES TO BEING A PARENT?
Finances have been hard for us since we were married so young, and also with the Mormon teaching of the woman staying home to raise their children. This has left me with little education and meant we didn’t ever really have a lot of money. Also having a lot of young children and a husband at work was a sometimes thankless and lonely position for me to be in. Also watching your children make decisions and choices that you know may hurt them is hard to experience; thankfully for the most part they are much wiser than I was at their age. Yay!
BEFORE BECOMING A PARENT, WHAT IMPACT DID YOU THINK HAVING CHILDREN WOULD HAVE ON YOUR LIFE?
My mindset before having children was that being a mother would ‘complete me’, that it would make me happy and that it would be the attainment of my life’s dream. For the most part, that’s exactly what happened. Being a parent has not been a negative thing for me; it’s all been positive. I love being a mother and I love all of my amazing children.
WHAT WERE THE UNEXPECTED IMPACTS (POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE) OF HAVING CHILDREN ON YOUR LIFE?
Unexpected. Hmmm. I would have to say that the level of worry was unexpected. I didn’t think that I’d spend so much time and feel so deeply the ‘parental worry’ about my children’s wellbeing, health, safety or happiness. Sometimes it’s all consuming. It’s love. It’s caring. It’s wanting their happiness. It’s wanting their safety. It’s wanting them to make good and safe and healthy choices. It’s born out of love, just as they were.
WHAT ASPECT OF PARENTING IS IMPACTING YOU AT THIS TIME?
At this time my children are 18, 16, 13, and 10. So the ‘teen years’ are in full force. Relationship challenges among my teens with their peers or boyfriends or girlfriends. Schooling considerations for College or University. Helping them to think clearly about life choices that will impact them for years to come. Wanting them to be more successful than I was. Thankfully my children have not fired me from being their parent and we are fairly close and they share and connect to me so I do have influence, or at least they pretend I do. It’s also a bit sad for me when I think that my eldest children could be leaving the home in the next few years, but I know they’re not leaving me: I’ll always be their mother.
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